you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
