he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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