I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
