I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
