no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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