there's paper in my vomit.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
