The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
