Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
