When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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