I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They took my balls.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
