I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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