Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
