He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
