It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
