I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
