Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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