well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
