yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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