ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
