I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize