You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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