God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
