why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
