I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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