6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
