just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
