I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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