I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
