He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
