Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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