you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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