Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize