omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
