Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize