yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
