i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
