i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize