did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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