Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
