your thong is hanging out like whoa
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
