If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
