Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
