I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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