My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
