i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize