If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
