You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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