You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
