i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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