Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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