Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We have started to decorate penises.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
