you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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