I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize