party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
