he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
