Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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