so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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