i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize