Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
