its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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