Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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