wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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