I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
