I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
