I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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