The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
