no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
