What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
