That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
