im drinking this country out of the recession.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
