Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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