Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
