Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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