DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
