you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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