So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
