Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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