No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
