My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I touched a dick in church today
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
