piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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